Brokenness and Gratefulness.

July 25, 2014 by 6 Comments

Hello Dear Friends,

Summer 2014 Iphone pics 1205

First, I wanted to say THANK YOU for ALL the kind letters, cards, generous gifts, and prayers y’all have given to me and my precious children upon the passing of our dear Mark!  We see the Lord’s kindness through y’alls love you have shown us!  Thank you for not forgetting us in your prayers and seeking to encourage our family!  It has been super hard and sorrowful to process the reality that  Mark is in Heaven.  I have never felt this raw before.  Yet, I have never seen the grace of God flood me in my moments of breaking down as He has been kind to do so during my ‘ugly cries’.  I believe He is hearing your prayers and is showing His love to us by sustaining us and helping me to take each day one at a time, like my dear Mark was so eager to teach us all.  It has not been easy, but thank you for tracking with us through your prayers.  We have felt loved.  And we are so grateful in the midst of such raw brokenness & loss.

It has been a long time since I’ve given a family update.  We are back in our home city of Louisville; after visiting with Texas family for almost 5weeks! What gifts our family has been to us each!  My 3 littles LOVED their time with their Texas family and cousins!  We were loved on so richly and cared for so well!!   I see the Lord’s provision in allowing us to have a ‘break’ as we adjust to this new season and for me into widowhood.  I can say that I have never felt this sorrow in all my life and with same breath I can see the way the Lord is showing His love that brings a new level of gratefulness to Him; what mercy! 

I can’t believe my sweet Mark is not here in our home.  Can you believe that it has been 7 weeks since he went to be with the Lord?   The ‘ugly cry’ is not far from me.  I feel so tossed by my sorrow at times yet again Christ is my solid rock and has not left me.    It’s like it’s a whole new level of neediness & dependence upon my God that I have never known before.  It’s not like I was not in need before, but I am seeing how profoundly I am in need of my dear loving Father to uphold me and my children in the midst of the most dramatic life change I have ever experienced.

Thank you for keeping us in your prayers.  Pray that I would deeply “Trust Jesus!”  This is not a small task but actually has to be supernaturally done in my heart by His Spirit!  I am so weak yet when I fix my eyes upon Jesus my reality doesn’t seem so impossible.  I don’t feel so alone.  I am reminded that this story is not my story but it was meant to show the glory of God  in His story of Redemption.  Christ came to redeem a people that were not His people.  He came for those who are weak.  And I pray His plan for me in this new season of widowhood would be used to draw many to trust in Jesus for their salvation.

I’m tearfully grateful to be a part of God’s bigger Story!  So yes…Broken and Grateful describes me best right now.  And for now that is where God has me.  I am just thankful that He has me.  And that He will never forsake me, even in this heart-ache! 

Isaiah 26:3-4

“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you,

because he trusts in you.

Trust in the LORD forever,

for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

6 Responses to “Brokenness and Gratefulness.”
  1. It was such a blessing having you and your Littles here in Texas! I, too am so thankful that Our Lord is always trustworthy and that we are a part of His Bigger Story! I love you little sister and think you are a GREAT mommy to your three sweet babies! Mommy and Mark would be so proud of you!!! XO, Aimee

  2. Dave Lewis says:

    Thanks for providing us with a window into your “today”! We remain in constant support of you, and anticipate our Lord’s comforting pressence to empower you, one day at a time!

  3. Cyndee says:

    I do not know you except through your blog. I have thought of you and your babies Every. Single. Day. I check nightly to see if you have posted something new and are “okay”. Hold fast because your days will become easier and your pain will lessen. God is good and loves us great.

  4. Alba says:

    crying it’s good. There used to be a mexican comedian who played the roll of a street boy, named “El Chavo”, he used to said when people asked him if he was crying?, “no, I’m watching my self inside out”. That stuck with me because it was funny how he said, but it is so true, crying it’s good!. Welcome back Anna, I love all the pictures you guys took in Texas, I love your beautiful smile, it’s like the sun after the storm. You are a beautiful strong and sweet woman. We love you Anita :).

  5. Lauren King says:

    Anna, thank you for being real and transparent and also honest. I heard of a family that is visiting IBC since coming to Mark’s memorial. So encouraging! Praying we both would trust Jesus!

  6. Mary Tutty says:

    Anna, thank you so much for sharing. I can so relate to how you are feeling, nothing in my life was so hard as losing Uncle John. I felt like my heart was ripped in two! Just like you God surrounded me with His love, more than I have ever known! Keep trusting, He will guide you to exactly where you need to be. I can remember going on a few job interviews, but there was one where I literally felt like I was sitting on Jesus lap and was completely as peace. That was the job of Social Work I was in for two years and I just knew that was where God wanted me!! The verse that sustained me was Jeremiah 29:11. He know the plans that He has for us and they are good!! Read on and you can see He actually thinks of us as His friends, amazing. He will be your Father and your Husband during this hard time. I love you and will keep praying, Aunt Mary.

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