Oceans

November 1, 2014 by 2 Comments

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Another month has come and gone.

Can you believe it’s been 5 months in a couple of days (November 4th) since my Mark went Home to be with the lord? He has been in the presence of Jesus for almost half a year!

That means 5 months of learning to be a widow. Wow. At times it’s like a tidal wave of tears that hit me at the most inconvenient times. I could be at the grocery store, changing a diaper, driving, instructing my children, around people that never got to know Mark. It makes me sad to think that any new friends I make may have never had the opportunity to know Mark and somehow I am to explain his life and now his absence to them. Deep breath. That is heart-breaking.

Grief is unique and nothing I have ever experienced before. This has been the hardest trial personally, yet I would not want to hold back to explain how the Lord is meeting with me in this unknown and pain. He is walking with me. He has proven to be “a friend that sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24). The journey of suffering often feels isolating. There is comfort in knowing that my Jesus has walked the lonely road of suffering perfectly for my behalf. When my faith fails at times, my Savior’s perfect record counts for me!

Learning through trial and error of single parenting. It’s rough people. I never knew about this single parenting thing before. And wow. Thankful that this is not a new road for many! There are countless who have walked this particular suffering. And I want to learn from their example of perseverance. It’s so hard I am at times finding myself perplexed at the Lord and how I am supposed to do this job He has called me to. These 3 littles are tricky and oh how I need wisdom from the Lord to teach and train them!  Please pray!  It has made me more prayerful then I have ever been in my entire life, that’s a gift!

My need for the Lord is big. Yet, when we know we are needy and not self-sufficient that is when the Lord shows Himself powerful. Each day He is providing the new ‘manna’ that is necessary for each parenting moment. He is being the strength that I need.  Truthfully, I like things to be easy and comfortable. I like it when I feel ‘confident’ and not so needy. God is showing me that it’s okay to embrace this needy state. To relax into more of my need for Jesus! Leaning into His promises that do not fail. Jesus said, “Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11:28-29). Jesus actually promises to walk with us by accepting and yielding to the Father’s will. Jesus did bear the burden upon His back for us and so can cause us to walk and persevere because we are with Him. Submitting under His will and learning to go at His pace to wherever He calls us to. The heavy lifting is in His hands and we are to walk with Him out of faith that He knows the end of the story. And He will be glorified and that will bring so much joy to see Him lifted high!!  This suffering is producing glory that is unspeakable.  All suffering points to a Day when there will be no more suffering or tears.  Are you ready for this Day?  Consider Jesus.  “There is only this day and that Day.”  Am I living in eagerness for the Day of Christ?!  Are you?

In submission to God’s will there is deep rest. There is joy. There is peace. There are tears, but there is an underlining rejoicing in your soul because you desire more than your comfort, you desire for the Lord to be glorified! Your aim and direction changes at the foot of the Cross. You see that this life is not about comfort. Not about setting up your own little kingdom. In fact there is no life there. My little life is about advancing His Kingdom and in doing that there will be loss, yet in that loss there is great gain to be found in Jesus Christ! Isn’t that what I was created for? Isn’t that Jesus’ example? He loss everything for my sake so that I may be found in Him! His plans and story for my life are meant to be a picture of His faithfulness for His glory! Yielding to Him is worth it. Eternity is at hand!  The Day of the Lord can be here in a blink of an eye!  Are you resting in Jesus’ perfect submission? Am I?

Thank you for your prayers as I learn through this trial all the Lord is teaching and preparing me as I desire to help and serve others in their day of trouble. God’s promises are true. He is providing in an amazing ways though tears aren’t often far away! One day I would love to share in detail the little miracles I am witnessing from His kind hand. Friends, it would make your jaw drop! Hope to write more on this blog to magnify the Lord’s work and faithfulness to me!

He is with me and I am learning that is enough!

This song called, Oceans has been on repeat so much in my little home. Praying these truths of submission would be true in my heart increasingly!

 

“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine”

~OCEANS by Hillsongs United

Comments

2 Responses to “Oceans”
  1. Sandra says:

    Dear Anna,
    Today would have been our 34th wedding anniversary. It is the first without Don. Many tears have been shed this year on this path God has lead me to. He is faithful. When it seems I am alone and no one understands my grief he reminds me that He does-more than any person could ever understand. I used to think the poem “Footsteps In The Sand” was very trite but have come to understand that it was written by someone who has gone before me in the shadow land of loss and grief. I know because Jesus has carried me many time this year and held me up when my own legs were to weak to go on. I wish I could take the sorrow you are going through but know that Jesus is so much wiser than me.
    I will be praying for you and your children as I pray for mine. May God Bless you, comfort you and draw you close.
    I don’t know if you have heard of “Grief Share”. It is a Bible based grief support group that meets for 13 weeks. It has helped me a great deal. It was such and encouragement to be with other believers that have and are walking through the same grief.
    With the Love of Christ,
    Sandra

  2. Ali says:

    Great writing Anna !! Can’t wait to see you !!

    I ❤you Anna!!

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